It's impossible to fly without wind on your wings - Paradise Fears
We get there around like, 2:30 and I see PF unloading the van and the trailer so I hop out of the car while Shayne finds parking. It took him literally over an hour to park…. I thought he died. I’m glad he didn’t.
I hug the ones that are there, I give the gifts to those who they were for, and I see Anthony. I give him a hug and show him my black bracelet. I was like “hey, does this look familiar?” and he was like “uhhhh… is it supposed to?” and I was like “well, it used to say ‘Yours Truly Paradise Fears” and then I asked if I would be able to trade it in for free, and he tells me that they have new bracelets, so he might be able to get that one for me. They walk in the venue and he comes back out later, goes into the van, comes back out, hands me a white bracelet with yellow lettering and says “I’m not allowed to give you any of the new ones, but you can have this ancient artifact!” I look at it, and read “MAKE THEM BELIEVE PF” I screamed. Holy fuck.
Later on, he was all “You better keep that. You’ll be able to sell it for mad bills soon” and he mentioned how they only made 200 of these so it’s UBER rare and shit.
We finally get into the venue and people slowly come in and I’m front and center. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.
The Control came on first. I love what I heard and I really want to hear more from them soon.
Throughout their set, I kept looking up at this hole in the wall and I kept seeing Marcus’s face. A lovely sight to see, as always. Every once in a while, I would see Sam, and I even saw Lucas a few times. Every time Lou was looking down at the crowd and he spotted me, he would make a funny face at me.
Boom Boom Crash came on afterwards. They aren’t really my style of music, but they’re good lookers.
After them was Call Me Anything. I like the two songs by them that I know, so it was nice that I could finally sing along to something.
Then was Phone Calls From Home. Earlier while we were still waiting outside, Chelsie and I asked them to play Back To The World, SO THEY DID. It’s an amazing song, honestly.
Finally, Paradise Fears came on. Now, Marcus is a happy person in general, but at most shows, he’s off in the background playing with his head down. Not tonight. Tonight, he was right up front …. not like there was anywhere else to go, it was a really small stage, and he had the biggest smile I have ever seen on any human being.
At one point, Sam was looking at me while singing, and he moved the mic for two seconds AND HE STUCK HIS TONGUE OUT AT ME. WHAT THE FUCK, TWA? But it was cute.
They ended their set with Sanctuary. It’s nowhere on the set list, but they came back and played it. This was when everything hit Sam. I could see it in his eyes and his smile. A sold out show on the first night of their first headlining tour. Not only that, but in Boston; his favorite city. He was in awe.
I’m not gonna lie. I started crying. But that was nothing compared to after the show.
After the show officially ended, I worked my way to the back of the room, all the way to the merch table. Now, I didn’t wait in line. I pushed my way through because yolo fucking bitch tits.
I talked to Anthony for about an hour. He mentioned the fact that he got more money selling merch tonight than he did on the whole entire tour with ATL at least 5 times. He mentioned how proud he was of these boys at least 20 times. He mentioned new music ONCE AND HOLY FUCK OKAY. He told me something OH MAN. I pinky swore I wouldn’t tell anyone, but moral of the story, meet them after shows while you still can. He also named about 7 people, one of them being me, and said “this is the list of people that will never have to pay to see this band”. FUCK YES. Anthony was so proud of these boys, though. He mentioned that he wants to kiss all of them. With tongue. He mentioned that it’s going to be the gayest night ever tonight.
After waiting about an hour, I finally get to talk to Sam right before he had to go.
I gave him the biggest hug and started crying. There were words that I wanted to come out but I just couldn’t say, so I thanked him. I thanked him for the text that one night and I thanked him for that phone call earlier this month.I started crying harder. I still couldn’t get any words out, then finally, I said “Earlier this month, I tried to kill myself.” He hugged me, let go, and pointed at himself. He looked straight into my eyes and said “you have at least one person to live for”. I explained it to him a bit more. I mentioned how this was why I was so pissed off at him for dedicating Sanctuary to Kotie a few weeks ago, rather than to everyone who has ever been through something similar, because I was going through the same thing. The same exact thing…. the only difference was, no one knew about it. I started crying again and he hugged me again, so I thanked him again for all that he’s done for me. He said “You’ve done more for me than I could ever do for you”.
I told Lucas as I was leaving. I realized he didn’t really know what to say about it, but I wanted him to know because other than Sam, I’m defiantly the closest with him. He also signed my ticket and set list with a sparkly green marker thing, and got it on my phone. I started yelling at him and then he was like “WAIT, LET ME GET IT OFF BEFORE IT DRIES!” so he licks his finger and starts rubbing my phone. All he’s doing at this point is smudging it and I get really pissed and I just shout out “WHY THE FUCK DID I EVER MARRY YOU?” At this point, I remembered something that I meant to ask Sam, but since I was talking to Lou at the moment, I just asked him. I asked “this new song that we’ve been told sounds like a mix between someone and Jesse McCartney …. is it like, old school Beautiful Soul or new school Shake?” and with each word I said, his smile grew bigger and bigger. Once I was finished with the question, all he said was “These new songs have a different sound. I really like them and I’m hoping the fans do too.”
It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.